Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 98, May 24, 1890   By: Various

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOLUME 98.

MAY 24, 1890.

MR. PUNCH'S MORAL MUSIC HALL DRAMAS.

No. XI. THE RIVAL DOLLS.

"Miss JENNY and POLLY Had each a new dolly." Vide Poem.

CHARACTERS.

Miss Jenny } } By the Sisters LEAMAR. Miss Polly }

The Soldier Doll } } By the Two ARMSTRONGS. The Sailor Doll }

SCENE A Nursery. Enter Miss JENNY and Miss POLLY, who perform a blameless step dance with an improving chorus .

Oh, isn't it jolly! we've each a new dolly, And one is a Soldier, the other's a Tar! We're fully contented with what's been presented, Such good little children we both of us are!

[ They dance up to a cupboard, from which they bring out two large Dolls, which they place on chairs.

Miss J. Don't they look nice! Come, POLLY, let us strive To make ourselves believe that they're alive!

Miss P. (addressing Sailor D.). I'm glad you're mine. I dote on all that's nautical.

The Sailor D. (opening his eyes suddenly). Excuse me, Miss, your sister's more my sort o' gal!

[ Kisses his hand to Miss J., who shrinks back, shocked and alarmed .

Miss J. Oh, POLLY, did you hear? I feel so shy!

The Soldier D. (with mild self assertion). I can say "Pa" and "Ma" and wink my eye.

[ Does so at Miss P., who runs in terror to Miss J.'s side .

Miss J. Why, both are showing signs of animation!

Miss P. Who'd think we had such strong imagination!

The Soldier Doll ( aside to the Sailor D.). I say, old fellow, we have caught their fancy In each of us they now a real man see! Let's keep it up!

The Sailor D. (dubiously). D'ye think as we can do it?

The Soldier D. You stick by me, and I will see you through it. Sit up, and turn your toes out, don't you loll; Put on the Man, and drop the bloomin' Doll!

[ The Sailor Doll pulls himself together, and rises from chair importantly .

The Sailor D. (in the manner of a Music hall Chairman) Ladies, with your kind leave, this gallant gent Will now his military sketch present.

[Miss J. and P. applaud; the Soldier D., after feebly expostulating, is induced to sing .

Song, by the Soldier Doll.

When I used to be displayed In the Burlington Arcade, With artillery arrayed Underneath. Shoulder Hump! I imagine that I made All the Lady Dolls afraid, I should draw my battle blade From its sheath, Shoulder Hump! For I'm Mars's gallant son, And my back I've shown to none, Nor was ever seen to run From the strife! &c. Oh, the battles I'd have won, And the dashing deeds have done, If I'd ever fired a gun In my life! &c.

Refrain (to be sung marching round Stage).

By your right flank, wheel! Let the front rank kneel! With the bristle of the steel To the foe. Till their regiments reel, At our rattling peal, And the military zeal We show!

[ Repeat, with the whole company marching round after him.

The Soldier Doll. My friend will next oblige this jolly Jack Tar Will give his song and chorus in charàck tar!

[ Same business with Sailor D.

Song, by the Sailor Doll.

In costume I'm So maritime, You'd never suppose the fact is, That with the Fleet In Regent Street, I'd precious little naval practice! There was saucy craft, Rigged fore an' aft, Inside o' Mr. CRE MER'S. From Noah's Arks to Clipper built barques, Like wise mechanical stea mers.

But to navigate the Serpentine, Yeo ho, my lads, ahoy! With clockwork, sails, or spirits of wine, Yeo ho, my lads, ahoy! I did respeckfully decline, So I was left in port to pine, Which wasn't azactually the line Of a rollicking Sailor Boy, Yeo ho! Of a rollicking Sailor Bo oy!

Yes, there was lots Of boats and yachts, Of timber and of tin, too; But one and all Was far too small For a doll o' my size to get into! I was too big On any brig To ship without disas ter, And it wouldn't never do When the cap'n and the crew Were a set o' little swabs all plas ter!