Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 159, 1920-11-03   By: Various

VOL. 159.

November 3rd, 1920.

CHARIVARIA.

"After all," asks a writer, "why shouldn't Ireland have a Parliament, like England?" Quite frankly we do not like this idea of retaliation while more humane methods are still unexplored.

"The miners' strike," says a music hall journal, "has given one song writer the idea for a ragtime song." It is only fair to say that Mr. SMILLIE had no idea that his innocent little manoeuvre would lead to this.

The Admiralty does not propose to publish an official account of the Battle of Jutland. Indeed the impression is gaining ground that this battle will have to be cancelled.

We are asked to deny that, following upon the publication of Mirrors of Downing Street , by "A Gentleman with a Duster," Lord KENYON is about to dedicate to Sir CLAUDE CHAMPION DE CRESPIGNY a book entitled A Peer with a Knuckle Duster .

"Mr. Lloyd George seems to have had his hair 'bobbed' recently," says a gossip writer in a Sunday paper. Mr. HODGES still sticks to the impression that it was really two bobbed.

"Cigars discovered in the possession of Edward Fischer, in New York," says a news item, "were found to contain only tobacco." Very rarely do we come across a case like that in England.

"Water," says a member of the L.C.C., "is being sold at a loss." But not in our whisky, we regret to say.

What is claimed to be the largest shell ever made has been turned out by the Hecla Works, Sheffield. It may shortly be measured for a war to fit it.

A taxi driver who knocked a man down in Gracechurch Street has summoned him for using abusive language. It seems a pity that pedestrians cannot be knocked down without showing their temper like this.

After months of experiment at Thames Ditton the question of an artificial limb of light metal has been solved. It is said to be just the thing for Tube travellers to carry as a spare.

In connection with Mr. PRINGLE'S recent visit to Ireland we are asked to say that he was not sent there as a reprisal.

Mr. GEORGE LANSBURY recently told a Poplar audience why he went to Australia many years ago. No explanation was offered of his return.

A coal porter summoned for income tax at West Ham Police Court said that his wages averaged eight hundred pounds a year. We think it only fair to say that there must be labouring men here and there who earn even less than that.

"The thief," says a weekly paper report, "entered the house by way of the front door." We can only suppose that the burglars' entrance was locked at the time.

A small boy, born in a Turkish harem, is said to have forty eight step mothers living. Our office boy, however, is still undefeated in the matter of recently defunct grandmothers.

The number of accidental deaths in France is attaining alarming proportions. It is certainly time that a stop was put to the quaint custom of duelling.

A rat that looks like a kangaroo and barks like a prairie dog is reported in Texas, says The Columbia Record . We can only say that, when we last heard that one, it was an elephant with white trunk and pink eyes.

"Why do leaders of the Bar wear such ill fitting clothes?" asks a contemporary. A sly dig, we presume, at their brief bags.

A reduction in prices is what every housewife in the land is looking for, says The Daily Express . It is not known how our contemporary got hold of this idea.

There is no truth in the report that The Daily Mail has offered a prize of a hundred pounds to the first person who can prove that it has been talking through its prize hat.

"What should The Daily Mail hat be worn with?" asks an enthusiast. "Characteristic modesty" is the right answer.