Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, October 31, 1917   By: Various

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 153.

October 31, 1917.

CHARIVARIA.

The Ministry of Food has informed the Twickenham Food Control Committee that a doughnut is not a bun. Local unrest has been almost completely allayed by this prompt and fearless decision.

Many London grocers are asking customers to hand in orders on Monday to ensure delivery within a week. In justice to a much abused State department it must be pointed out that telegrams are frequently delivered within that period without any absurd restriction as to the day of handing in.

No more hotels in London, says Sir ALFRED MOND, are to be taken over at present by the Government, which since the War began has commandeered nearly three hundred buildings. We understand, however, that a really spectacular offensive is being prepared for the Spring.

Several parties of Germans who escaped from internment camps have been recaptured with comparative ease. It is supposed that their gentle natures could no longer bear the spectacle of the sacrifices that the simple Briton is enduring in order that they may be well fed.

The Globe has just published an article entitled "The End of the World." Our rosy contemporary is far too pessimistic, we feel. Mr. CHURCHILL'S appointment as Minister of the Air has not yet been officially announced.

The Vossische Zeitung reports that the KAISER refuses to accept the resignation of Admiral VON CAPELLE. The career of Germany's Naval chief seems to be dogged by persistent bad luck.

Another scoop for The Daily Telegraph. "On October 14, 1066, at nine A.M.," said a recent issue, "the Battle of Hastings commenced."

We fear that our allotment holders are losing their dash. The pumpkin grown at Burwash Place, which measured six feet in circumference, is still a pumpkin and not a potato.

The Grimsby magistrates have decided not to birch boys in the future, but to fine their parents. Several soft hearted boys have already indicated that it will hurt them more than their parents.

A female defendant at a London police court last week was given the choice of prison or marriage, and preferred to get married. How like a woman!

A correspondent protests against the high prices paid for old postage stamps at a recent sale, and points out that stamps can be obtained at one penny each at most post offices, all ready for use.

A North of England lady last week climbed to the top of the chimney stack of a large munition works and affixed a silver coin in the masonry. The lady is thought to be nervous of pickpockets.

A contemporary wit declares that nothing gives him more pleasure than to see golfers at dinner. He loves to watch them doing the soup course, using one iron all the way round.

There is no truth in the rumour that during a recent air raid a man was caught on the roof of a certain Government building in Whitehall signalling to the Germans where not to drop their bombs.

It should be added that the practice of giving air raid warnings by notice published in the following morning's papers has been abandoned only after the most exhaustive tests.

The Home Office announces that while it has not definitely decided upon the method of giving warnings at night it will probably be by gun fire. To distinguish this fire from the regular barrage it is ingeniously suggested that the guns employed for the latter purpose shall be painted blue, or some other distinctive colour.

It is reported that Sinn Fein's second best war cry, "Up the KAISER," is causing some irritation in the Wilhelmstrasse, where it is freely admitted that the KAISER is already far higher up than the circumstances justify.