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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 103, July 30, 1892 By: Various |
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OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. VOL. 103. July 30, 1892.
IAGO IN BIRMINGHAM. ( SHAKSPEARE ONCE MORE ON THE SITUATION. ) [Illustration] Iago MR. J S PH CH MB RL N.
Roderigo MR. J SSE C LL NS. Roderigo. Thou told'st me thou did'st hold him in thy hate. Iago. Despise me, if I did not. The great ones of the City,
In personal suit to make me his Lieutenant,
Off capped to him: and, by the faith of man,
I know my price I am worth no worse a place;
But he, as loving his own pride and purposes,
Evades them with a bombast circumstance,
Horribly stuffed with epithets of war;
And, in conclusion,
Nonsuits my meditators; for, "Certes," says he,
"I have already chose my officer." And who was he?
Forsooth, a great Arithmetician.
That never set a squadron in the field,
Nor the division of a battle knows
More than a spinster; unless the bookish theorick,
Wherein the toged Consul can propose
As masterly as he; mere prattle, without practice,
Is all his soldiership.
But, Sir, he had the Election! A RESULT OF BEING HOSPITABLE. SCENE Small, but Fashionable Club in West End. Algy. Waiter! bring me a brandy and soda. Don't feel up to the
average to day. Hughie. Late last night? Algy. Yes. Went to Mrs. CRAMMERLY's Dance, Prince's Gate. Goodness
knows why I went! I don't think they'll get me there again in a
hurry. Charlie ( waking up from arm chair ). Were you a victim too? I
didn't see you there! Algy. No. Because I probably left before you arrived. I had had
enough of it in an hour, and came on here to supper; not before I
had nearly poisoned myself with a concoction that old CRAMMERLY was
asserting loudly, was an "'80 wine." Charlie ( laughing ). Ah! my dear friend, I had been there before,
and knew the ropes. Took pretty good care to steer clear of the wine,
and got a chap to give me a whiskey and soda. Uninvited Member. May I ask where was this charming Party? Algy. At the CRAMMERLY's, Prince's Gate. Colonel CRAMMERLY. Uninvited M. Colonel CRAMMERLY! Let's see, was he an old Crimea man? Algy. No ! He was Colonel in the Bounders Green Volunteers.
( Roars of laughter. ) You know "CRAMMERLY's Starch" made a fortune
out of it. Charlie. He must have spent a bit of it last night. They say the
flowers alone cost over a thousand pounds. [Illustration] Enter Captain O. Captain O. Talking about the Colonel CRAMMERLY Party, eh? ( To
Uninvited M.) Were you there? Uninvited M. ( very satirically ). Oh, dear no! I fear I'm not
smart enough to warrant my admittance into that charmed and select
circle. [ Roars of laughter. Capt. O. By Jove, you were well out of it. ( Addressing the Club
generally. ) Did you ever see such eh? Charlie. I want to know where the deuce they get their men from. Algy. I fancy they discover them in the City. Jack. I never met such shocking people before. Capt. O. Too dreadful for words. I could only conclude they must
have been relations. [ Roars of laughter. Jack. By the way, did you notice that there was a "bounder" who was
reversing? Uninvited M. ( with great indignation ). No!!! Jack. I tell you it's a positive fact I know it to my cost; for I
was dancing with that youngest daughter, you know the one who has the
fluffy fringe over her forehead and the brute bounced against us,
and sent us flying. Never even apologised. If I could have got him
outside, I declare I would have given him a deuced good hiding. A man
like that ought to be kicked. Uninvited M. Were the women any better? Algy. Well, if you call Mrs. DASH any better! Uninvited M. ( with tragic intensity ). You don't mean to say
she was there! Algy. I do . Uninvited M. But do you mean to say that Mrs. CRAMMERLY has heard Jack. No. She's deaf. [ Laughter... Continue reading book >>
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