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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 152, February 14, 1917 By: Various |
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VOL. 152. February 14th, 1917.
CHARIVARIA. "We will hold up wheat, we will hold up meat, we will hold up
munitions of war and we will hold up the world's commerce," says Herr
BALLIN. Meanwhile his countrymen on the Western front are content to
hold up their hands. It is reported from German Headquarters that the KAISER intends to
confer on Count BERNSTORFF the Iron Cross with white ribbon. This has,
we understand, caused consternation in official circles, where it is
felt that after all the Count has done his best for Germany. "We are at war," says the Berliner Tageblatt , a statement which only
goes to prove that there is nothing hidden from the great minds of
Germany. The report that Mr. HENRY FORD has offered to place his works at the
disposal of the American authorities seems to indicate that he is
determined to get America on his side, one way or the other. Mr. S.F. EDGE, the famous motorist, now on the FOOD CONTROLLER'S
staff, has given it as his opinion that a simple outdoor life is best
for pigs. We are ashamed to say that our own preference for excluding
them from our drawing room has hitherto been dictated by purely
selfish motives. America is making every preparation for a possible war, and Mexico,
not to be outdone, has decided to hold a Presidential election. It is true that Mr. GEORGE BERNARD SHAW has visited the Front, but too
little has, we think, been made of the fact that he wore khaki just
like an ordinary person, in fact. A sensational story reaches us to the effect that a new journalistic
enterprise in Berlin is being devoted to the "reliable reporting of
news." We have always maintained that to be successful in business you
must strike out on original lines. An exhibition of Zeppelin wreckage has been opened in the Middle
Temple Gardens. The authorities are said to be considering an offer
confidentially communicated to them by the German Government to add
Count ZEPPELIN as an exhibit to the rest of the wreckage. Members of the Honor Oak Golf Club are starting a piggery on their
course, and an elderly golfer who practises on a common near London is
about to write to The Spectator to state that on Saturday he started
a rabbit. The American Association for the Advance of Science decided at a
recent convocation that the ape had descended from man. This statement
has evoked a very strong protest in monkey circles. The tuck shops of Harrow have been loyally placed out of bounds by
the boys themselves, though of course these establishments, like the
playing fields of Eton, had their part in the winning of Waterloo. One of our large restaurants is printing on its menus the actual
weight of meat used in each dish. In others, fish is being put on the
table accompanied by its own scales. We are requested to carry home our own purchases, and one of the
firms for whom we feel sorry is Messrs. FURNESS, WITHY & COMPANY, of
Liverpool, who have just purchased Passage Docks, Cork. Australia by organising her Commonwealth Loan Group, once again lives
up to her motto, "Advance, Australia." The Coroner of East Essex having set the example of keeping pigs in
his rose garden, it is rumoured that The Daily Mail contemplates
offering a huge prize for a Standard Rose Scented Pig. To be in line with many of our contemporaries we are able to state
definitely that the War is bound to come to an end, though we have not
yet fixed on the exact date. [Illustration: FOOD DEVELOPMENT IN THE PARKS. A FORECAST OF NEXT VALENTINE'S DAY. Spinster ( reads ). "Dearest, meet me by the scarecrow in Hyde
Park."] AIR CASTLES. When I grow up to be a man and wear whate'er I please,
Black cloth and serge and Harris tweed I will have none of these;
For shaggy men wear Harris tweed, so Harris tweed won't do,
And fat commercial travellers are dressed in dingy blue;
Lack lustre black to lawyers leave and sad souls in the City,
But I'll wear Linsey Woolsey because it sounds so pretty... Continue reading book >>
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