Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 146, January 21, 1914   By: Various

OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL. 146.

January 21, 1914.

[Illustration: "NOT VERY SPORTING LINKS, ARE THEY?"

EVEN EARTHQUAKES HAVE THEIR USE.

"AH, THAT'LL MAKE BETTER GOLF."]

CHARIVARIA.

MAJOR GENERAL LEONARD WOOD, chief of the U.S.A. General Staff, has reported that the American Army is, practically speaking, unarmed, and advises the immediate expenditure of £1,200,000 for artillery and ammunition. We fancy, however, that the present state of affairs is the result of a compromise with the American Peace party, who will not object to their country having an army so long as it is unarmed.

"VICTORY FOR THE ORANGE WOMEN.

DRURY LANE INSTITUTION TO CONTINUE."

This should put heart into the Orange Men of Ulster.

We hear that, to celebrate the recent glorious victory in Alsace, the little town of Zabern is to be re named Säbeln.

The Rev. N. FITZPATRICK, describing a visit to the Balkan States in a lecture at the Camera Club, spoke of the difficulties he had with his laundry. The same bundle of clothes was soaked in Roumania, rough dried in Bulgaria, and ironed in Servia. We are astonished that the lecturer should have made no mention of mangling, which we understand is done well in the Balkan States.

The KAISER, we are told, has given instructions that his menus are in future to be written in German. What, by the way, is the French for Sauerkraut ?

Mr. ARCHIBALD, a member of the Australian House of Representatives, has calculated that the value of the property of the five million inhabitants of the Commonwealth is £780,000,000. We cannot but think it is a mistake to divulge the fact with so many dishonest people about.

I do like your eyes is the latest bright thought for a Revue title. To be followed, no doubt, by Her nose isn't bad, is it? and What's wrong with her toes?

"FRENCH BATTLESHIP DROPPED."

Pall Mall Gazette .

Very careless of someone.

Reading that one of the features of the new British battleship class will be less draught, Aunt Caroline remarked that she was glad to hear this: she had always understood that during even half a gale it was very easy to catch cold at sea.

Sir RUFUS ISAACS has decided to take the title of Lord READING. This still leaves it open to a distinguished literary man, should he be made a peer, to become Lord Writing.

The age of pleasure! Where will it stop? Extract from The Witney Gazette : "On Monday evening a very successful dance was given in the Corn Exchange ... The company numbered over one hundred, and dancing to the strains of Taylor's Oxford Scarlet Band was enjoyed till the early hours of Wednesday morning."

While Police Constable JAKEMAN was in Eldon Road, Reading, last week, a cat suddenly pounced on him and bit him. We have not yet received a full account of the incident, but apparently the constable was on detective duty and cleverly disguised as a mouse.

One of the cats shown at the Grand Championship Cat Show had her fur cut and trimmed like a poodle's. The matter has been much discussed in canine circles, and we understand that there may be trouble.

An express train travelling from Nice to Macon was, last week, beaten by an eagle, which raced it over a distance of eighteen miles. Birds are evidently being put upon their mettle by the aeroplanes.

Alleged notice outside Drury Lane:

SLEEPING BEAUTY.

N.B. CHAUFFEURS ARE KINDLY REQUESTED NOT TO HOOT WHEN PASSING.

From Paris comes the news that a successor to the Tango has been found in the form of a Chinese dance known as the Tatao. The name, presumably, is a contraction of the words "Ta ta, Tango."

A new character named "It" appears in the revival of The Darling of the Gods . We presume it is The Limit.