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Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 146, June 24, 1914   By:

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PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

VOL 146

JUNE 24, 1914.

CHARIVARIA.

The Cambridge University Boat Club has decided to spend £8,000 in improving the Cam. There is talk of making it into a river.

Says a writer in a contemporary, "Don't live in a houseboat during a flood." And yet NOAH always declared that he owed his life to having done so.

The gentlemen who formed M. RIBOT'S Cabinet are objecting to being described as "The One Day Ministry." They were, they assert, in office for some hours more than that.

The attack on M. RIBOT'S Ministry in the matter of the Three Years' Service was led in the Chamber by three quite undistinguished Socialists; and the contest was described succinctly by an unsympathetic onlooker as " Trois ânes v. Trois ans. "

By the way, M. VIVIANI'S Finance Minister is, we see, M. NOULENS. Is he, we wonder, any relation of M. Noulens Voulens?

The KAISER has commanded that the Colonial War Memorial to be erected in Berlin shall take the form of an elephant. Presumably it is to be of Parian marble in order to signify that some of the German colonies are a bit like a white elephant.

A French squadron of eighteen vessels has lately been visiting Portland. It was perhaps a little unfortunate that Admiral CALLAGHAN'S ship should have been The Iron Duke but no doubt our tactful officers explained to their visitors that the vessel had been so named after a wealthy iron master who had been ennobled.

The report that an airship expedition is being prepared against the MAD MULLAH is said to have caused keen delight to the old gentleman, as he has never seen an aeronautical display of any kind.

It is now suggested that when Mr. HOBHOUSE took possession of H.M.S. Monarch , he was labouring under the delusion that he was Postmaster Admiral as well as Postmaster General.

The publication of The Best of Lamb , by Messrs. METHUEN, reminds one that a literary butcher once complained that LAMB had not been issued in The Canterbury Poets.

Although Mr. T. P. O'CONNOR is severing his connection with T. P.'s Weekly the name of the paper will not be changed. This sort of thing is well calculated to confuse and unsettle the public. "T. P. or not T. P.? that'll be the question."

Illustration: Examining Admiral ( to naval candidate ). "NOW MENTION THREE GREAT ADMIRALS."

Candidate. "DRAKE, NELSON AND I BEG YOUR PARDON, SIR, I DIDN'T QUITE CATCH YOUR NAME."

It is denied that the title of our newest magazine Blast was suggested by Mr. BERNARD SHAW.

"Old Spot Pigs," we are informed, are now being bred successfully once more. It surprises us to hear this announced as a triumph. One would have thought that in these days of beauty culture a clear complexion would have been the desideratum.

"If," says a contemporary, "the middle class girl were regularly provided with a dowry, the matrimonial enthusiasm of young men would probably be stimulated." We cannot imagine how people think of these clever things.

Members of the Women's Social and Political Union are, says The Daily Mail , boycotting West End shopkeepers and stores not advertising in the Militant organs. However, if the rest of the public will agree to boycott such firms as do advertise in these organs the matter should come all right.

A warning has been issued to pic nic parties as to the danger from adders, which are exceptionally numerous this year. They are apt to bite if suddenly sat upon, and prudent persons are taking the precaution of sitting on their plates.

"I shall never," writes a journalist in The Express , "forget the shudder with which I saw a very well known dramatist at a garden party eating strawberries with his gloves on." We ourselves sometimes have these sudden sensations, but, unlike the writer, are very prone to let them slip out of our memory... Continue reading book >>


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